Yesterday I posted a list of theten most awesome videogame wizards of all time. But, like anything in life, for everyawesome wizardthat stands by you, ice staff in hand, as you battle a chimera, there is anasshole wizardthat does nothing but throw fireballs at you as you try to climb a cliff to rescue a damsel in distress. Ugh.
To be honest, I don’t like to use the word “asshole” a lot — it is rather harsh (although it is really fun to say). But I don’t know how else to describe these wizards. “Jerks” just doesn’t seem to do them justice. They are evil, manipulative, annoying … well,assholes.
Okay, seriously, nothing annoys me more than fighting the Wizzrobes in the originalLegend of Zeldafor the NES. Not only do they fight you in giant groups, they teleport all around the room so quickly, that it is almost impossible to dodge their spells and hit them before they disappear again. UGH!
Wait, you had an indirect hand in [SPOILER]’s death?! YOU DICK!
The nasty ice wizard makes an appearance during the very first scene of classic movieBig, as main character Josh Baskin confronts him while playing a fictional computer game. Clickhereto try out the short, nostalgic game for yourself and see exactly what makes the ice wizard such an ass.
Thermal pod?Really?
The first race against Wizpig during the final levels ofDiddy Kong Racingis SO FREAKIN’ HARD! AHHHHH! SCREW THAT PIG WIZARD!
RememberGrover Dill, the lackey toScut Farkus’s bullyin the 1983 comedyA Christmas Story? That is Kamek inSuper Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island: loud, obnoxious, mocking, but afraid to actually fight for himself.
Every time he confronts Yoshi at the end of every fort or castle, he just uses hismagicto mutate an already existing, seemingly helpless enemy. And once this new boss grows to screen-filling heights, Kamek just flies away, laughing.
The eerie music. The strange, twisted househeld up by chicken legs. A cryptic rhyme. A timed fetch quest. Being turned into a frog andboiled alive. Confronting Baba Yaga inHero’s Questis challenging, tense, and absolutelyterrifying.
Possessed by Ultimecia, Sorceress Edea inFinal Fantasy VIIIis an evil, if misunderstood, villain. But her inclusion on this list is more because of a personal experience than anything.
The first time I played throughFinal Fantasy VIII, I had not drawn a lot of magic or upgraded my weapons. I pretty much did nothing but build up my summons until they were remarkably powerful. It seemed a good idea at the time …
Later in the game, when Ultimecia leaves Sorceress Edea and enters Rinoa, I could no longer use my summons, as they would alwaysattack alland harm Rinoa (something you must avoid at this point in the game). Because of this, I couldn’t beat the game, and had to quit after 30+ hours of playing.
I have never forgiven Sorceress Edea since …
Do you remember the first time you walked into the secret room at the back of Hyrule Castle, only to see Agahnim zap Princess Zelda into the Dark World? Oh, that really chapped my hide! And, is it just me, or did it take you the longest time to figure out you had toreflect backAgahnim’s attacks when fighting him?
Maybe mysecond most feared videogame character of all time, the wizard Manannan fromKing’s Quest IIImakes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just by typing his name.
During the first, extended part of the game, if main character Gwydion is caught in the wrong room, with the wrong item, or in the wrong location, Manannan (who randomly appears) will kill him instantly, forcing the player to restart or load up an old save file. Yup, it is as brutal, scary, andinfuriatingas it sounds.
Anyone that has played Kid Icarus knows there is no other character hated more than the dreaded, horrible,massive assholeEggplant Wizard. Not only is the Eggplant Wizardreallyhard to kill, but getting hit by one of his projectiles turns Pit into a defenseless walking eggplant, a state that can only be cured by finding a hard-to-locate nurse.
Oh, and did I mention THE NURSES ARE ALWAYS SO FAR AWAY?!
—–
What do you think? Out of all the evil, annoying, nightmare-inducing wizards, did I choose the ten biggest assholes? What other magic-using jerks do you think I missed?
Compared toyesterday’s list, are there any wizards that should switch places?
And are there any videogame wizards that fall onbothlists? Awesome assholes? Magus fromChrono Trigger, maybe?
